Some days its as of I don’t function like a normal human being. The world buzzes around me with insurmountable concerns that seem meaningless. The anxiety grows into this overwhelming lump inside of me. This is my life, most of the the time. Sometimes you can’t escape from how you feel. You stuff it down deep inside until you can find a space where you’re alone and break down. Some people seem to be very open expressing themselves, but I find it more comfortable to take all my painful thoughts into the darkness. There is peace in grieving alone. There is no one telling you false lies about the future, false lies that it “will be ok”.
I have come to accept that I am different from most people. Since a very young age, I have been “weird”. I keep my most passionate, darkest feelings to myself, or accidentally word vomit onto those I’m extremely close to. I am dedicating to myself, to be more honest. I am stripping away the armor I equipped myself with from a very young age. This life has been beautiful, tumultuous, and dark at times, but it is my life. Without the suffering, I don’t believe I would have reached this point.
Each dark moment has taught me a valuable lesson. As much as I am disappointed with key people in my life, I appreciate them in their participation in the creation of my battle between dark and light. This life is confusing, and magnificent. Everyone has their own beliefs, but I believe there is a “higher power.” Throughout my life there has been an angel at my side. I couldn’t have done it without them, In my darkest moments, they have been there for me.
I have avoided mentioning these parts of myself because of embarrassment and fear. It is my belief now, that being open about my pains, suffering and fears, might help others. Some will laugh at me behind back, some will call me crazy, but it is only because of issues with their own self worth. This beautiful life is a learning experience. It is here to help you find the true meaning of living. You can either ignore your lessons or embrace and learn from them.
The answer to the universe and everything?! 42!!!!
Much Love, Jessica Brown XOXO
